


Work in Progress

by UsiLabem



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Agender Character, Asexual Character, Canon Compliant, Family, Friendship, Relationship(s), Spoliers, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-10-24 03:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10733289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsiLabem/pseuds/UsiLabem
Summary: Eighty-seven gajillion more guns, 96.5% more wub wub, 1000 degrees hotter. This story follows the exploits of six vault hunters on their relentless quest for revenge and redemption across the bizarre and wonderful world of Pandora. Expect ALL THE SPOILERS for Borderlands 2. Prepare for leveling, looting, and lots of violence.Chapters match the main campaign and are titled accordingly. Each of the six vault hunters is used for third-person narration. Gender neutral pronouns (ze/hir/hirs/hirself) are used for Zer0.The inspiration for this work stems from my genuine love for the game itself and from a desire to create more video-game fanfiction that focuses on platonic love. This story unapologetically falls into the found-family trope. Expect a surplus of philia and storge as the characters grow to trust and rely on each other. As I write this, I’m not sure whether there will be any romantic encounters, but there will definitely not be any sexual encounters. I intend to finish in time for Asexual Awareness Week, and I encourage everyone to take a few minutes to learn about some of the less-common gender identities and sexual orientations that pop-up in the games (and in life!)





	1. My First Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six vault hunters arrive on Pandora, an alien world that’s been all but taken over by Hyperion Corporation and its insidious and somewhat charming leader, Handsome Jack. The characters struggle to get their bearings with the help of a friendly robot after their train is blown up.

 

*****

The door made a metallic clang as, propelled with the force of a well-placed kick, it collided with the inside wall of the locomotive cab. The four vault hunters peered inside, focusing on the figure slumped in the conductor’s chair. Slowly, the chair swiveled, revealing its occupant to be a mannequin. While the dummy’s mask, made of real human flesh, showed signs of rot, the visage was clearly made to mimic the smiling handsome face that adorned the billboards lining the sides of the railroad.

There was a moment of silence as the vault hunters took in the monstrous sight. Before any of them had time to fully comprehend the current predicament, an ever-familiar voice chimed in over the train’s intercom. “It’s cute that y’all think you’re the heroes of this little adventure, but you’re not. Welcome to Pandora, kiddos.”

With that, the carriage exploded.

 

*****

Zer0 regained consciousness first. Ze had been standing farthest from the doorway when the explosives went off and had also benefitted from Salvador absorbing much of the blast. Zer0 cursed hirself for fixating on the taxidermied mannequin, stitched together like Frankenstein’s monster, instead of immediately scanning the room. If ze had noticed the dynamite, ze would have had significantly more time to escape the blastzone.

Instead, ze woke up facedown in a pile of snow. As Zer0 regained hir senses, ze became aware of someone speaking nearby. “Great. Another dead Vault Hunter. Handsome Jack’s been busy.” Zer0 tried to pinpoint the location of the voice. It didn’t sound threatening, more exasperated.

Even so, better safe than sorry. Zer0 reached towards hir scabbard, only to realize that hir sword was missing. Ze must have let go after losing consciousness. But it must be around here somewhere. With slow meticulous movements, ze pushed hirself onto all fours and then wearily stood up.

“Wait a minute – You’re not dead! YES! Now I can get off this glacier! Claptrap, your metaphorical ship has finally come in!" The voice sounded much perkier all of a sudden and much closer.

Ze looked down. In front of hir, a small, one-eyed android was gesticulating wildly while chattering.

“Allow me to introduce myself -- I am a CL4P-TP steward robot, but my friends call me Claptrap! Or they would, if any of them were still alive. Or had existed in the first place!”

Zer0 studied the quirky little robot and quickly ascertained that he was harmless. Ze surveyed the surroundings. Scraps of the train car were strewn about the tundra. The caboose lay only a few feet away. It was smoking slightly.

“Oh -- I’ve got something for you!”

Zer0 redirected hir attention to the android.

“Here – take this ECHO communicator that I totally didn’t loot from one of these corpses! It comes with a class twelve heads-up display, complete with a minimap.”

Claptrap offered hir a small device, and ze took it. Immediately, several messages popped up on the inside of hir helmet. Zer0 read the messages as they were displayed and then dismissed them. Perhaps this robot would be some help after all. The map was certainly useful.

“Now – come, come my friend. Let’s get you inside” Claptrap exclaimed, turning away from Zer0 and navigating around a pile of corpses. Claptrap let out a shriek as one of the corpses groaned.

Zer0 jumped back and instinctively reached for hir sword. Remembering again that it was missing, ze tried to activate decepti0n. Immediately, ze’s head began to swim as ze was struck with a wave of dizziness. The hologram flickered into existence for half a second before disappearing again. Ze grimaced as the wooziness evolved into nausea and then a throbbing headache.

Hir vision blurred for a minute. When it came back into focus, Zer0 took a close look at the body that had scared Claptrap. It was Salvador. He was lying face-up on a pile of scrap metal. In the jumbled assortment of scraps, Zer0 could make out the remnants of the two assault rifles that the gunzerker had been wielding on the train. And there, next to Salvador’s head, was hir sword. Zer0 was about to reach out and grab it when Salvador’s eyes snapped open.

“Back from the dead, pendejo” Salvador muttered.

Zer0 flashed a :) emoji on his helmet as Salvador slowly sat up, blinking rapidly. The man winced and reached for his right arm. There was a long gash approximately an inch deep, extending from his elbow to just below his wrist. Blood slowly trickled from the wound.

“Hijo de puta!” the gunzerker yelled, before grinding his teeth. The man began mumbling profanities to himself in Spanish as he gingerly got to his feet.

From the distance, someone another man called out. “Sal, is that you?”

Zer0 and Salvador turned in the direction of the sound and saw Axton and Maya emerge from behind the caboose. They had a girl with them. Zer0 picked up hir sword and waited for the group to draw nearer. When they were within a few feet, ze flashed a quick ? at the commando.

“She was hiding in one of the luggage compartments,” Axton explained with a shrug.

“Gaige the mechronamncer, at your service” the girl said. She cocked her head to one side and smiled lopsidedly.

Zer0 gave her a quick once over. She was small, close to Salvador in height but skinny. She looked to be in her late teens, She wore her hair in two short pigtails, and a pair of yellow-tinted goggles was perched atop her forehead. Her left arm was made of metal and appeared to incorporate some fancy-looking cybernetics, unlike any technology that Zer0 knew of. The limb was scrappy looking and dented in several places, probably from the train derailing, but the girl had no difficulty moving it. She caressed her necklace absent-mindedly while staring at the wound in Salvador’s arm.

“That looks painful,” Gaige said. “You should jet that with an Insta-Health before you lose too much blood. Let me see if I’ve got one.”

As the girl began methodically rummaging through her pockets, there was a sudden scream from Claptrap. Zer0 glanced towards the rubbish pile that the robot had been cowering behind before following the android’s gaze.

Perched atop the caboose was a massive psycho holding an intimidating buzzaxe. All of the vault hunters sprung into action simultaneously.

Zer0 leapt backwards and drew hir sword. Ze grasped the hilt as the blade shimmered into existence.

Axton reached into his belt and grabbed a small box. “Autogun deployed,” he yelled, tossing the device on the ground. Sparks flew where it landed, and the air glimmered briefly, flashing the digistruct blue print of the sabre turret that Axton had used on the train, before the faint glow disappeared, leaving nothing but the little box and the smell of burning metal. “Crap,” the commander snarled.

Gaige appeared to be having similar issues. She raised her metal arm, palm facing downwards, fingers gnarled. The space in front of her glistened for a second before her forearm began to glow red with heat. “Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot” the teenager screamed, jumping from one foot to another and shaking her arm.

Maya planted herself. Her turquoise tattoos now shone a blinding white. As she raised her left palm, black miasma gathered in her hand, forming an orb roughly the size of a baseball. The orb was vaporous, black in the center with hazy purple edges. It appeared to be made of some celestial substance that had been forcibly summoned from another universe. Maya curled her fingers inwards, forming a fist and crushing the orb.

As she released the fist and lowered her palm, there was a violent whooshing, like the explosive sound of air escaping a vacuum, and a bubble apparated in front of her. The bubble was made of the same mysterious matter as the orb, but it was much larger, approximately four feet in diameter. It was less dense than the orb, and the outside was transparent.

The bubble hovered for 5 seconds as Maya stared at the stranger. Maya grinned and relaxed her stance. The bubble burst, the gaseous constituents dissipating within milliseconds. “Wait a second, guys,” she said. “I know that psycho. He’s not a bandit. He must have gotten on at the same station that I did.”

Zer0 looked back and forth between the siren and the psycho. He flashed the group a quick **WTF BRO.** Axton crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. Gaige was still trying to cool down her arm and barely took the time to glance at the psycho.

Salvador, who had been struggling this entire time to separate one of the assault rifles from the scrap pile without using his bad arm, let out a bellowing laugh. “If you say so, chica! Hombre, get down here.”

In an uneven bound, the psycho leapt off of the caboose and landed next to the siren, stumbling slightly. Axton put his hand on the handle of his tomahawk. Zer0 kept hir blade drawn.

Maya just smiled at the psycho. Through the mask, it was impossible to see if he smiled back, but he leaned in close to the siren and stayed there for a few seconds.

The psycho let out a growl and yelled, “NIPPLE SALADS! Nipple salads... NIPPLE SALADS!”

Axton took a few steps toward the psycho, but Maya waved him away.

“That’s how he says hello... I think.”

“Okay…” Axton said doubtfully.

There was an awkward minute where no one moved, and then Gaige bounded up to the psycho. “Hiya,” she exclaimed. “Gaige the mechronamncer, at your service!”

“Mahahaha! My mind is on fire!” the psycho responded, waving his buzzaxe in the air.

The girl laughed. He stood a good 10 inches taller than her, but she reached up and patted him on the shoulder.

Axton relaxed his posture somewhat, and Zer0 de-constructed hir sword. From a safe distance away, Claptrap called out, “Man, this is great”

 

*****

After collecting ECHO communicators for everyone from the remaining corpses, the vault hunters followed Claptrap back to his place, while the little android gleefully explained his plan for joining the resistance in sanctuary and taking vengeance against Jack. As the robot chattered about his destroyed product line and damaged central processor – which forced him to think aloud, to the great displeasure of everyone near him – a young woman spoke to the vault hunters through their ECHO communicators.

“I’ll explain everything soon, but know this. You’re alive for a reason, and I am here to help you.”

All six vault hunters froze. Claptrap obliviously continued his rambling and rolled up to the front door of a trash-heap that was apparently his home. He glanced back and noticed that his guests were standing 20 feet away, exchanging confused looks.

“Whenever you’re ready!” Claptrap called out.

After a few more seconds, the group of vault hunters regained their composure and closed the gap between Claptrap and themselves.

“Well done, minions! Your ability to walk short distances without dying will be Handsome Jack's downfall!” Claptrap commented. He turned to face his front door and began deactivating the security measures, warning the vault hunters about the perils of Bullymongs as he did so.

As soon as Salvador made it through the doorframe, he collapsed on one of the couches next to the frozen remains of what he assumed to be an ex-vault hunter. While claptrap prattled on, Salvador and the others took in the messy interior. Maya rummaged through the lockers and found and Insta-Health, which she administered the Salvador’s wound. The medicine delivered a concentrated dose of adrenaline, which quickly dealt with the gunzerker’s fatigue. He began to gain back some of the color as the skin on his arm knit itself back together. Within 30 seconds, he could flex without significant discomfort.

The vault hunters looted the remainder of the hideout, emptying lockboxes, storage units, and chests, divvying up the money and ammo. They found four additional Insta-Healths. Zer0 and Gaige each took one without a second thought. Axton and Maya bickered briefly over who should take the remaining two, but that debate was quickly resolved with some screaming by the psycho.

“Thanks. We’ll make sure that you get the next medicine,” Maya said while injecting herself.

Axton said nothing, glancing suspiciously at the psycho while he slipped the needle into his own bicep. He appreciated the bump in energy, but Axton didn’t trust the guy. He didn’t even know his name, for Christ’s sake. Why were the other vault hunters so relaxed around him? Even Zer0 didn’t find it necessary to keep a safe distance.

The psycho had emerged from the debris relatively unscathed. His bare chest showed no bruises or scrapes, and the psycho didn’t even seem to care that he was wandering around a frigid tundra half naked. He was tall like Zer0 and built like Salvador. The muscles in his arms rippled as he mindlessly tossed his buzzaxe up in the air and caught it. The weapon must have weighed 50 lbs, but the psycho tossed it like it was no heavier than a tennis ball.

The commando’s brooding was interrupted by the sound of a deep, violent roar. A massive beast appeared, leaping through a hole in the ceiling and clambering down the chimney in the center of the room and landing right next to Claptrap. The creature had four gigantic arms connected to a thick torso made up of bulging tendons. Two small legs protruded from the torso, as did a short neck and a shrimpy head. Each of the creature’s massive hands had four fingers.

The creature snatched Claptrap in one of its hands. It held onto Claptrap by his wheel, hanging him upside down as it ripped out his eye. Claptrap screamed. The creature dropped the terrified robot on his head and proceeded to climb up the chimney and escape the way it had come in.

Claptrap righted himself, stammering uncontrollably. “Teh teh… the gun. The gun in the cabinet.” The robot pathetically tried to make his way across the room, bumping into furniture and letting out a painful “ooph” every three seconds.

Gaige moved swiftly towards the cabinet, one of the few things the group had yet to loot. She swung open the door to reveal a Dahl pistol. The gun was a basic repeater, one of the cheapest and most common guns available. After a minute of contemplation, she handed the gun to Salvador. He smiled gleefully.

“What, you don’t need it?” he teased.

“Not as badly as you do,” she returned with a smirk. “I’ve got my hammer, Zer0 has his sword, Axton’s got a tomahawk, Maya has her weird purple powers, and Krieg has an axe.”

“Krieg,” Salvador interjected, turning to face the psycho. “That’s your name, compañero?”

The psycho returned his question with a blank stare. Unsatisfied with this response, the gunzerker then turned to Maya.

“Don’t ask me. I haven’t cracked the code yet. But Krieg seems as good a name as any”

To this, the psycho responded with an enthusiastic “you woke the wrong dog!” which his fellow vault hunters interpreted to mean satisfaction.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Borderlands 2 was created and developed by Gearbox Software and published by 2K games. All credit for the characters, plotline, and world-building go to these organizations, along with the bulk of the NPC dialogue. 
> 
> Shout out to Fandom powered by Wikia for collecting and providing reference material in an organized format. Check out borderlands.wikia.com
> 
> The introductory note for this chapter took inspiration from the game's trailers and from Anthony Gallegos’s 'Borderlands 2 Review' for IGN. Andrew Webster’s 'Making Gaming's Most Obnoxious Robot' for TheVerge was consulted for the initial description of Claptrap.


	2. Blindsided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vault hunters embark on their first quest, on a mission to retrieve Claptrap’s eye from the vicious bullymong known as Knuckle Dragger. Along the way, they receive help from a mysterious woman

As the vault hunters prepared to follow Claptrap back into the glacial wasteland, the young woman spoke to them again over the ECHOnet. “Once upon a time, four Vault Hunters changed Pandora forever. But their time has passed -- thanks to Handsome Jack. Pandora needs a new hero. I know that hero is you.”

Axton and Gaige exchanged quizzical looks.

“Maybe it’s an ad…” Gaige pondered out loud.

Axton scowled. “But I’m not showing any subscriptions on this device. Damn, I have to go back and re-follow everyone… Gaige? What’s with that expression?”

“I lost all my subscribers,” Gaige murmured despondently.

“How many did you have?”

“Twenty thousand…”

“What?! That would have made you the top ECHO caster in the Eden system. How’d you get so many followers?”

“Well… I may have caused one of my classmates to explode by accident.” Gaige cringed slightly as she said that, staring at her feet and fidgeting. When Axton didn’t respond, she glanced over at him. The man had his ECHO menu open and was navigating the local network.

“Is this you?” he asked, pointing to an ECHO casting number that was listed in the menu.

Gaige checked her communicator. “Yep, that’s me.”

“Sweet,” Axton smirked.

Gaige saw a notification flash. _One new subscriber_. She beamed with pleasure. “Aw, thanks, Axton.”

“Hey, I’m expecting quality content from you,” he retorted smugly.

Claptrap kept up a string of chatter as he opened the rear door that led to Frostbite Crevasse. For someone who had just had his eye ripped out, he seemed surprisingly upbeat, even cackling occasionally as he talked of his intent to take down Jack. Claptrap persistently referred to the vault hunters as his minions, an idiosyncrasy of his slightly irritating but endearing lexicon.

As Claptrap un-gracefully erected himself after tripping over yet another hunk of ice, the woman spoke. “Stick close to the robot – he will help you get off this glacier, and into the city of Sanctuary. That is the only place you will be safe.”

“Definitely not an ad,” Gaige declared. “Do you think she can see us?”

Axton’s response was cut short by Claptrap’s yelling. “Ahhh! I hear Bullymongs! Sic ‘em, minion! PROTECT ME, SQUIRE!”

Several small creatures emerged from the cliffs. They resembled the bullymong that had attacked earlier, but they were miniature versions and had only two arms.

Zer0 drew hir sword and dispatched of one monglet quickly. Salvador chuckled, shooting another in its tiny head and killing it. Krieg took out the remaining three with a flurry of haphazard blows from his axe.

“Keep your chin up, SO I CAN SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!! Oh, there's no time to cry... We have to squeeze the whimpers out of you like a smothered baby in the night... You won't make a noise now, will you, WILL YOU!! Stay quiet, OR YOU'RE DEAD! NOW AND FOREVER!!” the psycho ranted.

“Are you sure he’s on our side,” Axton muttered to Gaige.

“Oh, come on. He’s enjoying himself. Nothing wrong with a little anarchy”

With the enemies gone, Claptrap resumed both his position as leader and his incessant babbling. The ground rumbled slightly, and Claptrap commented on Jack’s mining operations. He also cracked a lame ‘your mom’ joke that elicited eye-rolls and un-amused expressions from the vault hunters.

The woman chimed in, “you’ll need that funny little robot’s help to reach Sanctuary, the last bastion of the resistance against Jack, and the only place you will be truly safe. Get to Sanctuary.”

Zer0 surveyed the rocky faces that circumscribed them. Ze couldn’t sense any onlookers, but ze was sure from the woman’s comments that they were being watched.

Claptrap rolled along, apparently incognizant of what the vault hunters were hearing. By the amount that Claptrap spoke, Zer0 felt confident that the little robot would not let himself be left out of a conversation, especially one where he was mentioned, so ze reasoned that Claptrap could not hear the woman.

The icy walls enclosing their path began to curve outwards, and the group entered a bowl-shaped area. The path dropped away suddenly in a short cliff. With a yelp, Claptrap obliviously wheeled off the side of the cliff and landed headfirst, lodging himself into a pile of snow.

The vault hunters jumped down, landing on solid rock next to the snow pile containing the helpless android. Six monglets rushed the group. Krieg ran to meet the charging animals, but this time, Gaige and Maya accompanied him. Gaige struck out with her hammer, killing one with three well-placed blows. Maya killed three, landing powerful punches that she infused with the same celestial energy that she used for her phaselock. Krieg swung his buzzaxe wildly, whiffing several times before killing each of the remaining mongelts with a single blow.

Another creature emerged from the cave where the monglets had. This beast was larger, but not nearly as big as the original bullymong, Knuckle Dragger. It was double the size of a monglet and had four arms. It appeared to be the middle evolution of bullymongs. It was much hardier than the little guys. It soaked up the last seven bullets in Salavdor’s gun. Gaige, Maya, and Krieg attached together, taking down the brat quickly.

Zer0 displayed a contented :D on his visor before digging a distressed Claptrap out of the snow. The robot made his way towards a cargo box, unaware of yet another voice speaking to the vault hunters over the ECHO net.

It was a man’s voice, the same one that had addressed them over the train intercom. He coated every single word in a thick layer of imperiousness. “Hey, kiddos. Jack here – President of Hyperion. Lemme explain how things work here: Vault Hunters show up. Vault Hunters look for the new Vault. Vault Hunters get killed. By me. You see- seeing the problem here? You’re still alive. So, if you could just do me a favour and off yourselves, that’d be great. Thanks, pumpkin.”

Axton growled through gritted teeth. “If that pompous asshole were in front of us right now, I’d throttle him.”

The others nodded in agreement. Salvador wore an especially sour countenance, and he rubbed the fresh scar on his arm. “Yo también.”

The vault hunters stood still for a minute, each imagining the harm that they would inflict on the man who had tried to kill them.

Eventually, Zer0 spoke. “Can we start moving? / I grow tired of this spot / I long to explore.”

“You can talk?” Gaige exclaimed.

Ze responded with a playful **:-P.**

Zer0’s voice was deep and level. Gaige thought it highly likely that the assassin’s helmet contained some sort of voice modulator. Despite its faintly robotic sound, Zer0’s manner of speaking was the polar opposite of Claptrap’s. Zer0 sounded calm and controlled, soothing rather than vexing. Ze had the voice of someone who was not easily impressed.

Following Zer0’s wishes, the group pressed forward, following Claptrap through the cargo box, which he had somehow programmed to open at either end. Claptrap emerged first, and let out a started “oh.”

“My eye just switched back on!” the android exclaimed. “I see a tough-looking group of minions, and an incredibly handsome robot. Which means that whoever has my eye… is very close.”

On queue, Knuckle Dragger appeared on a nearby cliff. It picked up a car and threw it towards claptrap, causing a fiery explosion.

“This is gonna hurt” Salvador thought to himself. He dashed forward toward a clustering of lock boxes and began searching for pistol ammo. He found four magazines and grabbed them all. While reloading the gun, he cursed its pathetically small clip size. How was a guy supposed to get into the zone when he had to reload every 7 shots? Still, an ineffective gun was better than nothing. And it was a Dahl, so he had the benefit of burst fire.

Sal positioned himself close to the cargo box. Suppressing a laugh, he zoomed in on the creature’s head and pulled the trigger. The beast yelled as two shots hit is squarely in the face. It leapt from its perch and charged at Salvador, only to be stabbed from behind by Zer0.

While Salvador had been reloading the group’s only gun, the other five vault hunters had spread out and formed a circle. Now, they each took turns jumping forward to attack Knuckle Dragger and then dashing backs a safe distance. Except for Krieg… he kept up a furious rant as he landed a succession of blows on the beast’s massive arms. Orange blood spurted from its wounds, staining the ice-covered rocks.

Knuckle Dragger let out a howl and lunged towards Krieg, who stumbled out of the way at the last second. The bullymong grabbed a nearby boulder and flung it at the psycho, who managed to dodge at the last second. Knuckle Dragger screeched and launched itself upward, landing on a hung of metal that protruded from one of the cliff faces. Its yell summoned several monglets and brats.

Claptrap squealed. “Oh GOD! They’re coming outta the wall-sphincters!

Maya paused for a minute to speculate why the little robot chose such choice words. But her attention was quickly drawn back into the battle as a brat bullymong launched itself at her. Instinctively, she raised her left arm, ready to phaselock the brat. “No,” she thought. “It’s too soon.” She had used her powers on the train and again when Krieg appeared. Twice in an hour was already more than she’d ever used her phaselock. It was only because of the Insta-Health that she’d been able to continue without resting for longer.

With a yell, she leapt towards the brat, forming a fist with her right hand and grasping as much celestial energy as she could muster. Her punch landed squarely in the center of the bullymong’s torso with enough force to send it flying backwards a few feet. Maya landed softly and took a few quick breaths before running forward and finishing the job. Between each blow, she summoned as much black matter as she could and used it to shield her fist. This was something that she had practiced during martial arts training. After summoning the gaseous substance, she could manipulate it’s density, making it softer near her hand and harder along the region that she smashed into her enemy’s face. The benefits of this trick were two-fold; Maya’s hand was protected from the force of the impact and her blows packed the same punch as a regular melee weapon. Still, it required focus, so Maya did not notice the rock hurtling towards her.

Fortunately Salvador did, and he shot it out of the air. Shattered bits of rubble rained down on Maya, and she gave Sal a gracious nod. He winked back at her, before turning his attention back to Knuckle Dragger. The beast was moving slower, dragging itself along the ground by its arms. Blood dripped from its wounds.

The vault hunters regrouped, having defeated the smaller bullymongs, and encircled the injured Knuckle Dragger. After exchanging glances with the others, Gaige charged in to deliver the final blow. One smash from her hammer, and Knuckle Dragger fell dead.

Everyone visibly relaxed, and Gaige started giggling. She ran up to Krieg to give him a high five. Zer0 displayed a range of smiling emojis, and Claptrap began cheering.

“Woohoo! If you would retrieve my eye for me, I'd be grateful. Oh, and I apologize for saying wall-sphincters. I say that a lot when I’m frightened.”

Salvador and Axton scavenged through the remaining lock boxes to search for more ammo, while Zer0 and Maya stepped forward to collect Claptrap’s eye. Lying next to the bullymong corpse was another gun, a Jakobs pistol. Maya and Zer0 exchanged looks. They both knew that the gun had to go to Gaige. Maya picked up the pistol and handed it to Gaige, who took it with some grumbling.

“Nothing personal/ But the team benefits most/ if you are armed” ze reassured the girl.

“I guess,” Gaige sighed. She had used the same logic to deduce that Salvador should get the first gun, and it wasn’t surprising that she wasn’t on the same level as the others. Maya had a clear advantage with those awesome siren powers. Zer0 and Krieg both had some superhuman skills, so they didn’t need the boost. As for Axton, he clearly had a lot of military training.

He stood like a military man, standing straight and tall with his shoulders pulled back. When he walked, he carried himself in the same fashion, maintaining a strict posture while taking even, measured strides. The way he moved was goal-oriented; each motion was intentional, disciplined, chosen to give the best strategic advantage without wasting excess energy. As Axton handed Gaige some ammo, she wondered what would lead a man like that to Pandora.

“Got my eye?” Claptrap enquired. “Great! Now we just gotta find someone to put it back into me. Much as I’m sure you’d like to jam your fist into my skull, optic surgery is best left to professionals -- my pal Hammerlock in Liar’s Berg can fix me up! Allons-y!”

Claptrap led the vault hunters up a slope towards a metal barge. The yellow, white and grey markings indicated that the barge was probably Hyperion property. Claptrap haughtily told the barge to open and stood in front of the scanner.

A few seconds later, the digital-optical scanner had completed its scan, and a disembodied female voice responded, “Intruders detected. Locking door.” Three additional steel bars appeared, further locking barge door.

Before Claptrap could get into full-fledged panic mode, the vault hunters heard the young woman over their ECHO communicators. “Let me get that for ya. Executing phase shift.” The reinforcements receded, and the barge door swung open.

As the vault hunters stepped inside the barge, the woman continued talking, “Perks of being an Artificial Intelligence. I’m networked into almost everything in this planet. It’s a long way to Sanctuary -- please take whatever you need for the journey ahead.”

With this last remark, a weapons chest emerged from a trap door in the barge’s floor. The six vault hunters gathered around, eager to see what loot it contained. The chest held some grenades, more ammo, a shotgun, and a sniper rifle. After a brief conversation, the group elected to give Zer0 the sniper rifle and Gaige the shotgun. Gaige’s pistol went to a begrudging Axton, who mumbled something about not being able to compete with supernatural powers and only needing a gun until he repaired his turret.

Maya rolled her eyes at Axton’s persistent stoicism, while Gaige and the commando began a conversation on digistruct technology. Zer0 listened to the two with some interest while keeping his eye fixed on the psycho. Krieg was squatting in a corner, holding his buzzaxe with both hands and flipping it up and down, making the blade spin. They group had offered him the shotgun, but he refused, picking up some grenades instead.

After Salvador looted the assorted lock boxes in the barge and distributed the money and ammo that he found, the team was ready to move out. Claptrap gleefully led the way out of the barge, rambling about his satisfaction with the vault hunters. _Pizzazz_ the robot insisted. Maya couldn’t help but smile. All of Pandora seemed to have an element of _pizzazz_. Life here was certainly more interesting than back at the abbey.

 

 

*****

 

A fierce gust of wind struck Salvador as he stepped out of the warehouse. He gripped his pistol tighter and set off towards Claptrap, who had stopped several meters away and was bouncing excitedly.

"Over here! Keep your wits about you minions" the android jabbered. "This glacier's run by a bandit named Captain Flynt. The jerk kept me as his torture play thing for a few months. We played games like 'dodge the blow torch,' and 'don't get dunked in the pool of acid.' I was really good at the first one."

Salvador chuckled. Captain Flynt sounded like a real Pandoran.

The vault hunters trudged through the snow and caught up to Claptrap. Just a few feet past the robot, the ground plummeted. Salvador peered over the cliff face. The drop appeared to be roughly 50 feet. There was a small settlement down there. Four monglets prowled outside the gate.  Sal shrugged and jumped.

"Attention people of Pandora! Handsome Jack here, offering a million bucks to whomever brings me the heads of the Vault Hunters who just arrived in Liars Berg. Oh, and I'm still offering a reward for Roland, the mass-murdering leader of the Crimson Raiders. Good hunting."

Salvador growled. He was about ready to strangle that pendejo. He took out his frustration on the monglets that made the mistake of charging at him. He shot the final one in the neck. As he made his way towards the front gate of the town, a new voice came over the echo.

"A million bucks? Alright boys -- this is Captain Flynt. I want you to find those Vault Hunters and bring 'em to me! NOW!" The man's voice was grizzly, no different from that of every other bandit ring-leader who'd passed through Salvador's village. As he suspected, this ship captain was a native Pandoran.

"Hey Hammerlock," Claptrap called out from Salvador's side. Apparently the robot had made it down the side of the cliff in one piece.

"Spectacular" came the reply over the echo. This person spoke with a fancy accent. Definitely not a local. "First Captain Flynt's bandits attack, then Claptrap show up! I must have been horrifyingly cruel to puppies in a previous life to deserve this kind of treatment. I say, Vault Hunters -- could you kill Flynt's men for me?"

With that, the fence in blocking their way fell to the ground, opening the entrance to the town. A black blur shot forward past Salvador. Salvador plowed after it; he wasn't going to let Zer0 have all the fun.

A ragtag bunch of goons  skulked around the open space in the center of town. When the fence fell away, they scattered, taking cover behind the collection of huts and shacks that lined the outside of the center square.

Sal emptied a clip into the marauder nearest him. Zer0 split another in half with his sword. Gaige's laughter reverberated off the surrounding cliff walls as she unloaded her weapon into a third.

Sal punched a man and sent him flying. As he went to deal the killing blow, Flynt chimed in over the echo.

"Got a proposition for ya, Vault Hunter. You give up, we'll just shoot ya in the head. It'll be quick, clean, and a hell of a lot less painful than what Handsome Jack'll do to you."

Salvador chuckled and crunched the poor chump's skull with his fist. He heard Krieg's maniacal ranting as a scream from some bandit. He turned just in time to see the pycho's axe cleave through the sorry man's chest cavity. Blood spurted all over Krieg's mask, but the psycho didn't falter.

The town was silent for a minute, but Flynt booming voice broke that. "What is WRONG with you boys? Just kill that slaglick so's we can get our reward!"

More outlaws emerged from inside the rundown buildings. The gunfire started up again, and Salvador shoved another clip into his pistol.

"Oh no. Bullymongs," Claptrap shrieked.

A pack of fully grown mongs joined the battle, turning an already chaotic battleground into pure havoc. It was perfect. Salvador could feel the blood pumping in his veins, and the rush of adrenaline filled him with energy.

The fight ended too soon. Six vault hunters was clearly too many for this bunch of untrained thugs. But Flynt had to have the last word.

"DAMMIT! This ain't over, grinder"

Salvador looked at the bloodstained ground and the piles of bodies. Time to loot. He grabbed a pistol from the nearest corpse. As he removed the dead man's fingers from the trigger, he saw the manufacturer name, and smiled with glee: a torgue pistol.

Claptrap rolled by and made his way over to a small fenced-off area just past where they'd been fighting.

"Hey Hammerlock! Since my minions just saved your town, you wanna do your bestie Claptrap a favor and repair my eye?!"

"Yes, I suppose I am in your debt now, aren't I? Come to my shack, and I shall restore Claptrap's sight. First, I shall shut off the electrical fence for you." Hammerlock said. "Stay back, Vault Hunters --let Claptrap go first"

The robot promptly wheeled towards the barrier and got zapped. He fell over sideways in the snow.

"Apologies, but when Claptrap speaks, I feel my brain cells committing suicide, one by one." Hammerlock declared. "I shall be our directly."

From a building within the enclosure, out strode a bespectacled man. He dressed like a rich tourist on a safari, with the stupid hat and everything. He marched down the pathway towards the gate and saluted.

"A pleasure to meet you, Vault Hunters. I am Sir Hammerlock -- at your service."

He posed for a minute, giving everyone time to take in this hybrid hunter/scholar/gentleman. Hammerlock had a carefully-styled mustache and prosthetics: one arm and one leg. Salvador ultimately concluded that the man was insignificant, overall harmless.

"I came out here to research the Bullymongs for my almanac, but Captain Flynt's men trapped me on this glacier. Many thanks for disposing of them by the way -- to survive a direct run-in with Handsome Jack AND defeat Captain Flynt's bandits? Unheard of. I'm headed to Sanctuary myself -- from what I hear, the Crimson Raiders there could use a hero like you. Now, if you could hand me the robot's eye, please?"

Maya stepped forward and handed Hammerlock the eye. Hammerlock leaned over the robot, lowered the eye into the hole in Claptrap's face, and twisted it into place.

"Now, I need only connect this to this, and…" Hammerlock gave Claptrap a quick bash, and the robot sprung to life. "That should do it"

"Ha-HA! I'm ALIIIIIVE!"

"Oh dear. He's talking again."

"Minions! Now I've got my eyesight back -- and you're all far uglier than I remembered! Time to join up with the Crimson Raiders in Sanctuary! This glacier's full of nothing but murderers and jerkbags, like that Hammerlock dude!"

"I'm standing right here, dude." Hammerlock grumbled. "Now that Liar's Berg is clear, I may as well turn on the main power -- this town's full of things that may be of use to go-getting slayers of men like yourselves."

"Minions, roll out!" With that, Claptrap and Hammerlock made their ways down a path towards the edge of town. Salvador and the others followed close behind.

"I see our fearless leader Jack is looking for you. Charming fellow, isn't he? Spouts drivel about bringing peace to the frontier, then shoots unarmed men, women and children like it was going out of style. Bah -- I'm spouting exposition again, aren't I? Apologies!"

Hammerlock reached down to a generator by the side of the walkway and flipped some switches. The generator whirred to life, and the bulletin board beside it lit up. Another large device began unfolding, and a fast-travel notification appeared in Salvador's echo display.

"Ah -- there you are," Hammerlock Said contentedly. His pleasure dwindled quickly when he turned his attention to the bulletin board. He hit it a couple times. "Come on -- work, curse you! Ah, fecal matter -- the bounty board's broken. The resistance must have disconnected it before they left for Sanctuary. I'd planned to post some jobs for you. Ah well, just speak to me instead!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES: Borderlands 2 was created and developed by Gearbox Software and published by 2K games. All credit for the characters, plotline, and world-building go to these organizations, along with the bulk of the NPC dialogue. 
> 
> Shout out to Fandom powered by Wikia for collecting and providing reference material in an organized format. Check out borderlands.wikia.com


	3. Best Minion Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vault hunters reach Liar's Berg and havoc ensues

 

"Yo, Malletface, do you have a toolshed or something?" Gaige chimed in. "I want to fix my arm."

"The name is Sir Hammerlock, my dear lass, but yes, I have plenty a plethora of implements in the structure back the way we came. You are welcome to use whatever strikes your heart's fancy"

"Sweeeeeet, thanks Hammerman."

"Again, it's Hammer- _lock_ , but I appreciate the improvement."

Gaige skipped down the path towards Hammerlock's place, followed not far behind by Axton.

"I'm coming with you. I need someone to take a look at the missus," he yelled, gesturing to the little box he kept clipped to his belt.

"Hammerlock, tell us/what jobs do you have in mind/I seek a challenge," Zer0 mused.

"How about a spot of hunting?" Hammerlock gushed. "Though Captain Flynt killed everyone in Liar's Berg, I see no reason that wild Bullymongs should lollygag about the place, disrespecting the memories of the former townsfolk. If you could clear the town of them, that would be most gentlemanly"

He pointed out the two areas that were plagues by the beasts, and the Vault Hunters split up, Maya and Krieg taking the cemetery while Sal and Zer0 took the ravine under the bridge.

 

*****

 

"Alrightey, let's see that turret of yours," Gaige stated when she had adjusted the lighting above Hammerlock's work bench.

Axton handed her the little box and stood nearby, casually watching the girl fiddle with the latch on the side. She popped it open and peered inside.

"Wow! You fucking destroyed this thing"

"Watch your damn language, young lady."

"Yeah, yeah, bossy-boots. Do you want to know what's wrong or not?"

"Give it to me straight, ma'am"

"Pfft. It's obviously an EOS failure. The heat from the explosion caused overvoltage of the ASIC. You've also got delamination of the PCB and a hoard of melted solder connections."

"So, in English?"

"You fried it."

"Ah." Axton frowned and rubbed the stubble on his chin. "How easy is that to fix?"

"Well, I can do some temporary repairs with what Hammerlock has, but you need an upgrade if you're going to expose this thing to any more fiery explosions. Maybe a new circuit board, an ASIC with internal capacitors, better thermal shielding. "

"Upgrades," Axton muttered. He nodded slowly before breaking out into a big grin. "I like the sound of that."

Axton glanced at the small mechanic, who was absorbed in the task of detangling loose wires and reconnecting them with the soldering iron. Her motions were quick and precise. She turned her focus to Hammerlock's work bench and picked out a small chip.

"This should do for now, but you'll want to scavenge something less susceptible to leakage current." Gaige attached the last component and closed the hatch. She picked up the little box and handed it to Axton. "Try summoning your turret now"

Axton dropped the box and let out a pleased laugh when the digistruct pixels gave way to a familiar turret. "You're a prodigy, Gaige."

"I know," she beamed back, kicking her legs, which dangled off of the chair, too short to reach the ground. "Now, I'm gonna need some time to fix my own tec"

Axton retracted the turret and began fondly turning the box over in his palms. Fortune was in his favor today. Running into a teenager who could repair the most advanced Dahl tec was a stroke of luck, but meeting her on Pandora of all places. Crazy. Most of the Dahl mechanics that he'd met took weeks to perform even the simplest modifications, but here she'd fixed his problems in 10 minutes. He glanced at the girl, who was absorbed in her own gear. She adeptly navigated the mess of wires in her arm.

"It'll be a hack job, like yours, but I should be able to improve the range of motion. Right now, I can't even bend all the fingers, and I need them for raising DT"

The two vault hunters were silent as Gaige tinkered with the mechanisms making up the elbow joint of her mechanical arm. The mechromancer mumbled to herself as she worked.

"Definitely an alloy… T6061? No, no, not in this cold. Can't get frostbite. Maybe carbon fiber at the graft? A titanium gold alloy would work best, but how do we get that… steel would suffice. Hmm"

That final remark was punctuated with a violent clang as Gaige slammed a wrench into her arm.

"Uh, does that hurt?" Axton interrupted.

"Nah. I always disconnect it from my nerves." _BASH_ . "There's just this obnoxious dent." _BASH_ . "But once that's gone." _BASH_. "There. Let's see if it works now." Gaige quickly soldered together two pieces of exposed red wire by her shoulder. There was a humming sound, and she wiggled her fingers gleefully. She jumped off of the chair and stood in front of the work bench. "Here goes everything!"

She raised her arm, palm facing downwards, fingers pressed together like she was pulling on a piece of string. The space in front of her glistened for a second, filled with digistruct pixels. Then, with a mechanical whirling-sound, a massive robot rose up from the ground.

"Deathtrap!" Gaige shrieked gleefully, dashing forward and hugging the machine.

Axton raised his eyebrows. The creation was shaped like the upper half of a human, and instead of legs, it simply levitated about a foot above the ground. It had one glowing eye in the center of its head and intimidating claws for fingers.

But then, the machine let out a purr. It purred, like a cat. And it looked _happy_. Happy to see its creator and owner.

"Oh, DT, I've missed you so much." Gaige coo-ed. "Come on, I'll introduce you to all our new friends! We're on Pandora now. You're gonna love it here"

She strode outside, and the robot, Deathtrap, floated after her.

Axton paused a moment to comprehend what he'd witnessed, but quickly gave up and followed the girl and her flying cat-monster machine thingy outside.

 

*****

 

He struggled to hold back the constant waves of madness, one thought swelling in the back of his mind and crashing down on another, leaving incoherent half-ideas that were swallowed by the tide. It was a constant cycle, the upsurge of one thought overshadowed by the breaking of another. Krieg's conscious mind hid in the surf, waiting for low tide when the crushing insanity lessened temporarily.

Such was the mental battle he fought. It raged on, heedless of the events unfolding in the outside world; nothing could quell the storm completely. Not screams from enemies who absorbed his axe, not the rattle of a gun spitting bullets in his direction, not even the sting of a grenade exploding in his face. But she could.

She, whose mind gave her occult power instead of the madness that he'd been granted. She, who exuded a menacing beauty that no human could muster. She, who was speaking to him.

"Krieg, come on. We'll take care of the Bullymongs in the cemetery." Maya turned and began making her way towards one corner of the town.

Krieg lumbered along behind her, transfixed with the siren's movements. He couldn't place them. Less measured than the commando's stride but more restrained than the girl's bouncing pace. Not slinking like the sneaking of the assassin, yet more fluid than the gunzerker's lively trot. She carried herself with a unique mixture of elegance and power.

They reached the edge of the graveyard, and the click of Maya reloading her pistol brought the tide back in.

"BABIES TO THE BUTCHERY. RAZE THE WHEAT, AND LOWER THE HAMMER," he heard himself scream before charging forward.

He swung his axe indiscriminately, downing one bullymong after the other. Maya took aim at the mongs on the walls as they crawled out of their nests. Together, they made short work of the crowd.

Krieg stood, surrounded by blood and tomb stones. He saw none of it. He panted as the riptide tugged as his conscious. But a hand on his back stopped him from drowning.

"Nice work. Let's see if we were faster than Salvador and Zer0. Either way, Hammerlock may have a couple other odd jobs for us while Axton and Gaige fix their tec."

Krieg nodded slightly. He paused for a minute to glance again at the silhouette of the retreating figure. She was his moon, pulling the tides back and making the shoreline a safe place. He shook his head, but it was inevitably engulfed once again by the madness. He let out a gleeful howl and trudged after Maya.

"PRETTY LADY, SPARKLES LIKE THE NIGHT SUN AT THE SEASIDE."

Close enough, he thought.

 

*****

 

When Zer0 and Salvador got back to the bounty board, Axton was leaning against the generator, and Gaige was fiddling with Hammerlock's prosthetic arm. Hammerlock seemed to welcome their arrival as an excuse to defer the intense line of questioning from Gaige.

"Bullymongs are dead," Salvador cheered.

"That's one area free of bullymongs. This would be an even greater achievement if anyone in Liar's Berg were still alive to celebrate your victory, but still, well done!" Hammerlock praised. He handed Sal an assault rifle for their troubles, and Sal immediately inspected the gun, grinning gleefully.

"Our section's clear too." Maya sauntered in, tailed by Krieg.

"Most efficacious! Bullymongs will think twice about raiding peaceful cities in the future. Hopefully."

Zer0 moved closer to Hammerlock. "That was no challenge./ I desire a real test/ One to hone my skills."

"No fear, old chap, I have more work. You could collect bullymong fur for me?"

"Ha, inadequate./ Bullymongs are no rival."

"Then how about bandits? If you're to survive out here for any length of time, you'll need a better shield. You can get one from the old Crimson Raider safe house, but it's been overrun with outlaws. You'll need to clear them out and take the elevator to the upper level."

"That is sufficient."

"I could use something too," Maya added. "Anyone else?"

"Yeah, why not," Gaige shrugged.

"I _do_ appreciate not being shot," Axton agreed.

"And mayhaps  the Bullymong-killing would interest you two brutes," Hammerlock inquired, turning to Sal and Krieg. "I need you to rip the fur off the beats while they're still alive before killing them."

"Ai, I prefer guns, but punching things is fun too. Vamanos, Krieg!"

Krieg seemed to grunt in agreement before the two set off, full of bloodlust. Zer0, Maya, Axton and Gaige headed in the opposite direction, down the hill towards the Crimson raider safehouse.

"HelloooooOoo followers. Gaige here, broadcasting the first segment in a series I plan to call, awesome explosion-filled vault hunting adventures on Pandora. I'm here with my fellow explorers. We've already nearly died like a gazillion times, but now we're on our way to  Gateway Harbor to go fuck shit up. I get to see Deathtrap maul people!" Gaige's last remark was punctuated with a girlish squeal. "Anyways, more updates to come!"

Axton grinned, goofily. "Well fancy that. My favorite show is just starting."

The two of them shared a smile and charged forwards towards the shack in front of them. Maya and Zer0 watched, entertained simply to observe Deathtrap zoom around, slicing bandits in half, backed by Axton and his turret.

"They are like children,/ if children enjoyed murder/ and insane bloodshed" Zer0 said.

"Well, we shouldn't let them have all the fun," Maya chided.

Maya and Zer0 climbed up the platforms to where Axton and Gaige were waiting by a rusty lever. Gaige tugged on the lever, nothing happened. Axton tugged on it, but again, nothing happened.

"Are we sure this is where Hammerlock told us to go?" Gaige grumbled.

"I think so," Maya said. "Let me ECHO him."

Hammerlock's response came quickly into the ECHOs of all four vault hunters. "Of course. I forgot. The safehouse power box stopped working after Claptrap attempted to… integrate with it."

"Ah, what a kidder!" Claptrap cut in. "Just get a new fuse for the elevator, and ignore what he said about that power box."

"Ooookay," Maya said. "Looks like they marked a nearby bandit camp on the map, so let's check there."

The group wandered along the icy path towards the next camp. This time Zer0 took the lead, activating Decepti0n and sweeping in to decimate the marauders on the ground, leaving the ones on rooftops to his comrades.

When Zer0's decoy disappeared, ze found hirself faced with an ecstatic Gaige. "That. Was. AMAZING. How's it work? Is it the suit? Do you have cybernetics? Are you an alien?"

Zer0 flashed a quick **;-)** and left the girl to mutter to herself about ninjas and robotics.

Over the ECHO, Claptrap spoke up. "Ooh -- there's a fuse on the other side of that electric fence! Just run through the fence -- you won't get hurt if you go fast enough!"

Maya roller her eyes at the remark and, just as Axton looked ready to charge head-first into the fence, shot at the electrical fuse box, causing the wall of blue electricity to dissipate. Stepping forward, she retrieved the power fuse from the remnants of the box.

"Just plug that fuse into Brewster's power box, and you'll be able to ride the elevator!" Claptrap said.

"Hey before that, I wanna see what's back here," Axton said, making his way towards an area previously blocked by the fence.

As he did, growls erupted from nearby, and a pack of bullymongs came charging towards them.

"Oh," Axton sighed in disappointment.

Zer0 fired off a few shots from hir sniper rifle. Gaige and Maya joined in with pistols. Axton threw out his turret. The bullymongs were dead within seconds.

"Alright, staying focused on the task at hand," Maya said, shooting a quick glare at Axton. "Let's get back to the elevator and plug this sucker in."

"No fun, bossy boots" Axton muttered to himself. "Who put her in charge?"

Gaige slid into place alongside Axton. "The same people who gave her the power to kill things with her miiiind," she whispered.

After Maya plugged in the fuse, she yanked on the lever, and the elevator (more like a plank of wood held up by some ropes and pulleys) slowly descended to the same level as the vault hunters.

"Got the elevator working, have you?" Hammerlock interjected. "Great! Now, simply ascend to the safehouse and buy a shield. This used to be a sizeable hub for the resistance, until everyone heard the Hyperion army approaching and fled to Sanctuary."

The vault hunters piled onto the elevator and rode it up. In the safehouse, there was a radio, some lockers, a couple latch boxes, and vending machine. After emptying the lockers and latch boxes and pooling their loot, the vault hunters had a combined $700. It was just enough for each to pick out a shield from the vending machine, which perkily asked that they "please insert any donated organs into the receptacle."

"Well done!" Hammerlock said. "Now, if you could return to Liar's Berg, we could see about getting you off this frigid glacier

 

*****

 

Back at the bounty board, Sal and Krieg were both drenched in blood.

"How did  _your_  mission go?" Gaige asked, bounding up to Sal.

"Fantástico! We gave the fur to the little robot to make into a mohawk. But we completed most of the killing ages ago. You were gone for a long time, so we killed some bandits and learned about Helena Pierce, and about that pendejo, Handsome Jack. He is an evil man."

"No shit," Axton grumbled. "So now what,  _your highness_ ," he said, turning to Maya.

Maya glared. She raised her arm, and her tattoos began glowing. In a flash, Axton's assault rifle had been ripped out of his hands and flung 50 feet away by some invisible force.

"My gun!" he yelled.

"Could have been your face," Maya shrugged. "I say we start heading towards Sanctuary, which means following…"

The group turned and looked at Claptrap, who was spinning in place. "Me," he exclaimed. "Flynt and I had a gentleman's agreement in the past. I give him the loot from the bodies Jack ditches in the glacier, he promises not to torture me for hours at a time, then he does it anyway. But that ends today! We're gonna take him out, steal my ship back, and sail to Sanctuary. Let's go this way."

Claptrap led them back down the hill, and Axton retrieved his gun along the way. At the bottom of the hill, instead of curving to the left towards Gateway Harbor, they hung right and walked towards an imposing structure lodged in the icy cliffs.

As they walked, Flynt taunted them with threats of his first mate Boom Bewn and predictions of how much Jack would pay for their corpses.

The mere mention of the devil was enough to summon him, and Jack broadcast his own jeers. "Hey! How -- ah, these pretzels suck… So, how's your day been, buddy? We haven't really talked much since I left you for dead. Hey, you think you'll freeze to death out there? Nah, probably not. Bandits'll get you first. My day? It's been pretty good. Just bought a pony made of diamonds because I'm rich. So, you know, that's cool. Kay, bye."

No one spoke about the ridicule. If anything, Jack's remarks fueled an even quicker slaughter of the bandits along the path. Each vault hunter focused on their individual skill, and slowly, the group developed a system; Deathtrap chasing bandits out of cover and into the range of Axton's turret, Maya phaselocking enemies who then succumbed to Krieg's axe, Zer0 dancing elegantly between the showers of bullets spewed forth by Salvador and his dual-wielded SMGs.

As Jack went on and on about his diamond pony and how he'd chosen the name Butt Stallion, the group came face to face with Boom Bewn; the first mate was apparently a duo.

"Light the fuses, bitches," Boom, the older brother, yelled as he mounted a colossal cannon. Bewn meanwhile charged the group with a shotgun.

The vault hunters split up and wasted no time destroying Boom, Bewn and their army of crazy, shirtless psychos. After collecting some grenade mods and using the cannon to clear a path ahead (nearly hitting Claptrap in the process) the group continued.

Negotiating through a break in the ice wall, the vault haunters caught their first glimpse of Captain Flynt's ship. It was shaped like a dragon, even breathing fire occasionally. As they grew closer, they encountered more and more of Flynt's men. They heard the screams of his torture doll. They listened to his awful jokes, sparked by sadism more than an actual sense of humor.

Somehow, through all the fighting, Claptrap persisted in being in the wrong place, getting himself beat up by the very men he'd tried to make stage a mutiny and then becoming stranded at the bottom of a staircase, which he apparently couldn't climb.

Eventually, the vault hunters made it to the upper deck of the ship. They took a minute to collect themselves, reloading guns and stocking up on ammo. They used a crane to fetch Claptrap.

"Ahaha. I ascend!" Claptrap cackled. "Suck it Flynt. My new minion is a bonafide badass."

"Ready to kick some boss-level ass?" Salvador asked.

Everyone's nods and the click of guns being cocked was a sufficient answer. Even Claptrap joined in, leading the charge onwards onto the final deck.

"Come on out Flynt! Your Claptrap unit has returned!" Claptrap yelled, dancing.

From the far end of the deck, a tall, stocky figure arose from where he sat on a crudely assembled throne. Captain Flynt had a three-horned, medieval helmet. Every inch of him was covered in heavy cloth and armor. He jumped down from his throne, and the deck shuddered.

"It's our new torture dolls, boys! Let's turn up the HEAT!" Flynt shouted.

Claptrap screamed and ran for shelter. "Oh, SPHINCTERS! I'm so sorry Captain Flynt, sir. Please don't burn me again."

Flames erupted from vents in the deck floor and a swarm of pyschos and marauders burst out of various hiding spots. The vault hunters dispersed, Zer0 and Maya taking shelter in an empty cargo crate while Axton and Gaige dove towards a small cabin. Krieg screamed bloody murder as he charged forward, unfazed by the chaos around him. Salvador did likewise.

Each duo cleared a portion of the deck until only Flynt remained. Maya phaselocked him, and the combined efforts of Axton's turret, Krieg's axe, Deathtrap, Salvador and Zer0 brought the beast of a man down quickly.

"Finalmente!" Salvador exclaimed.

"He wasn't so tough," Gaige said. "The whole time, I couldn't stop humming,  _burn baby burn_. You guys know that song?"

"Yeah, I do," Maya called from across the deck, were she was trying out a new pistol she'd found. "That's some old-school disco. I'm surprised you've heard it. We had it back in the archives at the abbey."

"My Daaaad was super into classical music. He had a whole collection… has. I'm not really sure," Gaige trailed off.

Claptrap, sensing the silence and implied safety, emerged from his hiding spot. "BOOYAH! You're the most fearsome warriors this glacier has ever seen, gang." The robot wheeled towards a storage area below Flynt's throne, while the vault hunters followed slowly, looting the bodies of the many men they'd killed.

Over the course of the day, the vault hunters had developed a convoluted system for divying up the loot. Generally, they each took loot from the men they'd killed. If it was a joint-kill, they took turns. For the contents of loot chests, they went with whoever wanted it the most.

It was clear that each had clearly developed tastes when it came to guns. Maya fell for the elemental weapons, especially Maliwans. Gaige favored Jackobs shotguns. Zer0 preferred sniper rifles. Salvador went with whatever could fire the most bullets in a short period of time. Axton stuck to assault rifles. And Krieg? Krieg was just as likely to smack a bandit with his gun as he was to shoot him, so he got whatever was sturdy, usually torgue weapons.

"You coming?" Claptrap called out, after the vault hunters had dawdled for several minutes.

The group shuffled over to the android. It had been a very,  _very_ ,  ** _very_**  long day. Still, Claptrap, perky as ever, pointed to a small fishing boat that was suspended off the side of Flynt's vessel.

"There she is! Me mighty vessel! Lower her into the water, ye salty dog," Claptrap proclaimed. 

The weary vault hunters boarded Claptrap's ship. None of them questioned how a tiny robot who couldn't even climb stairs was going to sail across a treacherous, iceberg ridden sea. Things had worked out so far, so there was no reason to start doubting things yet.


End file.
